Full metal jousting

It has been scientifically proven that, at the core of every modern man, lies the primal desire to rip meat from bones with his bare hands, challenge a scoundrel by slapping him in the face with a metal gauntlet and then unhorse him with a lance while galloping at perilous speed. I had my chance to partake in all but 2 of these most honourable activities at the infamously spectacular Medieval Times.

The whole night was a shameless marketing scheme with perhaps 50 different people trying to sell you different things throughout the night – wooden swords, photos with the King, knighting ceremonies, glowing flowers and waving flags. It felt like the equivalent of trying to sell a first class flight with meal upgrades, priority boarding, double miles and a hotel night to a boy who just wanted to ride his bike to school.

Fortunately, the excessive salesmanship went hand-in-hand with superb showmanship. Horse processions and a live falcon preceded skillful contests where the knights tried to hit various targets with various pointy weapons while galloping at speed. Of course the moment we were all waiting for was the joust and this proved to be exciting and indeed dangerously fast. A cheesy backstory of rivalries and insults was attempted but all we really wanted to see was metal-plated men smacking each other around, and that we did. Most jousts ended in a sword fight that was dazzlingly over-emphasised but exciting enough to keep us cheering for our appointed knight.

I chatted to my assigned blue knight afterwards and he confirmed that employment at Medieval Times does indeed require working your way up the ladder in traditional fashion from stable boy to squire and one day to the coveted position of knight. In all fairness, a man that can bear weighty armour, ride a horse, play at swords, hit a target not much bigger than 2 quid, throw a rose precisely at fawning females members and all the while maintain a crowd-worthy presence should feel proud to have earned the position of knight. I enjoyed myself immensely and would definitely recommend it once.

Jim Carrey and Matthew Broderick do battle – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ou1EBRxLQJs#t=2m52s

Jousting is back in fashion – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wh5tsGQ9KLQ

Medieval Times training program – http://www.medievaltimes.com/dallas/newspress/hopefuls-train-to-be-medieval-times-knights-at-texas-ranch.aspx

One Response to “Full metal jousting”
  1. sherine says:

    you need to go to a renaissance fair next and tell me all about ti!

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